An old post in the draft

P/S: I wrote this right after I spend those time with you, but I didn't have the guts to pull it off. now, idk if what I felt still exists, my egos are coming up, and I can't help it. I want to be alone now. sigh*

Love is all about being patient,
maybe I was blind, but I believe he was patient with my attitude,
I thought I was,
and now it's my turn to be patient,
patient towards myself, him, my loved ones
Thanks Kara, your post made me think.

I know, I hurt him in a way, he could not even handle,
it hurt so bad that it was better for me to stay away from him,
and I did, but I couldn't, because I've failed myself
I've failed him
I can't make him happy anymore, I can't ease him anymore
Maybe I can, but he won't let himself to take the risk of being hurt again?

Someone told me,
"Music is love, love is music, music is my life, and I love my life",
You are my MUSIC syg,
Let me in your heart again, and I will treat you right
the way you deserve to,

I love the way you are, and I believe you know how I am
and I am not lying to you right now and you know that
I understand how it feels, I realized how deep the wound was,
I won't ever want you to feel that again
maybe I'm out of place right now, but I'm handling it sanely

I menggelabah, when I am the reason you're not happy
baby, I'm patient now
towards how you are and how everything going
I'm not messed up and am not keeping the out of control act

I heard a song,
"Poor little misunderstood baby
No one likes a sad face
But I can't remember life without him
I think I did have good days"

I remember life with you
and I can't be without

some people belongs in ur life till the end, some are just a phase

needs

look for me and save me
find me and save me

save me from myself
save me from you

save me

When there's no one around

It's 6.20 am
and I'm home
I'll wait for the time to pass on
so I stare and stare
the picture on my screen
the anklet you gave me
and the bracelet on my wrist

when there's no one around
and nowhere to be found
I'll make up words to a sentence
so I won't bother other existence

all I'd like to say
to make it clear all the way
that I'll be here
with no fear

when there's no one around you
and nobody found you
I'll make up threads to a blanket
so you would not feel sad

7 years has come and pass
tho' we hope it last
now I let it up to god
to define the knots

I'll be here
when there's no one around
reach out
when you need a sound

the ayat

Don't find the time to cry for me, don't find the words to speak for me, don't find the nerve to feel for me, just get the fuck away from me

I was always sure about what I want to do
but I was never sure when it comes to you

Take me into the night and I'll show you the other side

The lights are out, and we're lying here on this bed
both on the other side

It might seem we're going nowhere
lay down beside me and stare
stare through our hearts that have pushed so far

catch my heart and say it's alright
and roll over to the part we always stayed
let me make you feel alive again

for one last time let's go to the part we're afraid of
hold my hand and lead me there
push my hair aside and whisper
say " we're here "

Take me into the night, and I'll show you the other side
the side we have lost, for too much shouts and doubts
now blinded, and redeeming the parts we fall in love with
fragile and torn, now flowing with threads of emptiness

will the water flow in the right directions?
and heals as our hopes do?

am searching for the antidote in me
that you once call yours
and make you smile once again

starting to listen to the voices I've ignored
starting to understand rather than againts
accepting the possibilities that are on the window

It's wonderful how you remind me why I fell for you in the 1st place
It's those little surprises
The way you talk to me, the way you say maybe
and won't let your heart down
It's the way you wondered but never shown
It's the way you care but never seem
It's the way you love me, and how u made me feel
you did it your way, not like any other
It's the way you know me, diff from the others
It's the way you look at me, when everyone is around
It's the way you listen and understood more than i could

yes, all of the troubles blinded me from the importants
I was a fool to forget
Now I got it all back,
sticking it in my mind, either way


Let the wind blows us the way it want to
Let the time passes and displays
as the hopes ushers us
and hold us closer more than we ever did

All I can say is,

Speechless and glad.

it worth every second and I cherish that




:)

In the dark

Baby,
I see u when darkness slowly closing in on me

I want to shout, to make u notice

yes
I don't need you
because I can live without you
I don't need you
because I can be on my own

but I can't
doesn't matter how far I am or try to be
doesn't matter whoever surrounds me

my heart is with you
and I keep falling back towards you

I didn't force or make it go your way
but it did anyway
I'm still not forcing or make my heart and mind with thoughts of you
but it is
every minute and every second
I didn't make my body feel your presence
but I felt it anyway

each time I look away
there would be a piece of you falls on my lap
I'd brush it off
and it would still flew back to me

each step i walk further away from you
theres a a chain that keep pulling me back
and when i stood still, it kept trying to make me tripped
tripped into you, thoughts of you, presence of you
each distinct significant parts of you
crumbling down on me

God, make it stop, please
it hurts
it keeps reminding me that he's not mine anymore
and I'm not his.

am I not yours baby?

but wait, don't make it stop
keep it coming
because I LOVE YOU
and even when it hurts,
at the end of the day,
I'll be fine
because even thoughts of you, makes me smile

IMY, I really do.

I fall asleep at night, dreaming of you,
and when I get home from classes,
I looked for my phone to reach you like I always do,
or when I get home, I would have called,
if I could.

I miss you
and all the little things that we do
I miss you
from the sunrise and every other day too

Everytime I walk in my room,
theres pictures of you scattered on the table
and when I looked down,
I'll end up seeing flashes of our hardest time together,

I miss you
and the feeling when u said we're fine
I miss you
and thoughts of you just kept me blind

P/S :I miss waking you up every other day,
I miss you saying you can't wait to see me
I miss your sincere 'Im-truly-happy' grin :)
I miss you asking how I'm doing today
I miss you calling me smooch, sweets and love
I even miss you cooking me lunch :)
I miss you giving me an eye to show that i did something wrong
I miss you saying you're worried
I miss you telling me 'Imy syg'
I miss the smell of your breath
I miss how you always take more time getting ready than I do
I miss how you smell better than me
I miss how much you workout
I miss those driving range
I miss those lonely nights away
I miss the snaps of silly pictures
I miss how u hug me from the back
I miss how u roll over to my side and hug me after we fight
I miss you comforting me
I miss calling u my home
I miss the teases and doveys
I miss you bothering me
I miss seeing your name comes up on my phone
I miss your calls and talks
I miss seeing my picture in ur wallet
I miss you saying 'everything's fine'
I miss you standing up for me
I Miss You, and if I could just pick up the phone and say
"I MISS YOU SO MUCH", I would.

Remember when u wrote " She's my gugugaga" and "Duh-vey"
That's when I know you're telling the world I'm yours, and that's all there is.
Everything felt perfect that moment, and
I couldn't be more proud to be the one by your side.

So, I'd like to say 'thank you', for that moment, that feeling.

9th

I will rise,
breathing through dark clouds of the hours, I will embrace
so you'll see me

I will rise,
I will run up the mountains, and roar as loud
so you can hear me

I believe that someday will be my time and I feel that its coming to me
I'm reaching from beneath the core,to loose myself free,and be alive for me

I wonder if you ever be waiting for me, at the end of the tunnel

Trouble

You're trouble,
descend from grace,
You're addictive,
lighten from the best,

I tried to leave you
exhaling from my system
you're a drug
chases the shadow i disgrace

every threat from you
are words of love
you're a disease
that cures my sickness

I'll follow you from the crowd of ghosts
I'll look for every track that I can find

I miss the days of surprises
Leaving does not mean I gave in
It means I need to survive
from you

thank you for the wonderful memories
and the time of crises
<3

bitter & sweet

Yummy cupcakes, colored flavors,
bit my tongue, doing favors,
hiding bitterness on taste buds,
savior for lost hearts,
refreshing vibe falls through,
maybe chocolate and cookies too.

Either one you choose, you may,
feel scattered when bitterness surface,
yet, sweetness calms the bricks of emotions,
in between hours and distance.

The sole partner, preserving feelings that makes you high.
when your soul and body slowly dies.

Digging waves of words

Mildly spinning my body towards the sound of the ears,
like white sheets blown by the cold air, drying.
carrying me, weightless,

The heat of the sun, sweats my skin to tears,
sticks of blue box cigarettes touches my lips,
everytime i preach, my heart breached, for the stone cold emotions,
captured by the hands of loneliness,

The rain shall pour on me, in those hopeless night,
when the blood rushing through our veins,
moving towards direction we can't hold,
resisting reality that flashes in view,

The drives kept sacred with our immortality,
written as the history, as reference,
tenderness lies harden beneath the layers that covers,

and I'd stand through the weathers coming,
and You'd would elevate as the wind blows,
If the wind flies you back to the starting line,
theres where we'll touch, creating presence,

Glued to strings, attached to the everlasting memories.

;)

But For You

P/S: This was something that I found in my old journal and everytime I read, it brings every memories to mind. hope it means something to you guys too :)


What have u done to me?
The fact that it hurts to know that ure not mine
The fact that u give me hope
Then pull the strings out
I never would put my heart on the line

But for you..
I feel that im putting my heart under the chopping bord
Waiting for u to save it or let go
U keep pulling the strings
To make me wonder & guess
What is the real deal between us
Baby, I love you
Beneath it all u know that its true
I seem as dumb as i could be

But for you..
Ill swim through the seas
Through the air
Through everything in despair
As long as i get to see you
As much as we want to
I look beneath the odds & the bound
Look pass the worse & the sound
I blame myself for not being who you want

But for you..
I cant stop sacrifice
I cant stop the lies
I cant imagine how my life would be
if u ever let me go
but i promise myself
I wouldnt let myself down

Ouh help me god
if that ever happen
let him love me as much as i love him
Let us be.

Mind Strain

I wish there are fallen leaves, falling over my skin,
breeze, wind, blowing my hair of my shoulder.

Big green field, so I can run, lie around and fall onto.

I wish there's a tree, with a swing, for me to sit on,
so the wind would blow it and makes me fly.

I wish there's smell of morning glory surrounds.
and the sun would shine through me, giving me the light that I need.

I wish the rain would wash you away from my mind, body and soul.
not even a glimpse of missing, attraction or memories left.

I wish to be happy now, then, and ever.

Descriptions in detailed section

I ran towards the door to catch your eye, but somehow I fail to impress the right guy,

the mission I was on completely turn right on me, backfired,

the rest can just shut,

windows are broken, showing the emptiness stored,

the weaknesses that owned by the puppets, laughing down evilly from dark skies,

'I'd rather see you in pain' they said,

I banished every sentence their mouth made,

I'll be fighting for my life and break into the sites of fears,

constructions on the life core , I once believed were the reason I should live on,

I imagined little children laughs, jumping up and down the plays and grounds,

the innocence , the honesty, I missed,

now, should I be threaten by what I let myself to,

or should I face and bring out all the growling self in me,

despite the smirk I have on my face,

I'm not the puppets, the evils, I'm just living, surviving,

& if doing that means i should force, torture, I might just do.