Bloody Hell

Its blood
leaking through my emotions in this tender strength

its mine
winding through bones in my body
shivers my heart,
weak,no more
not anymore.

im gold
darken by the shining light that mischieved my threat
words, are just words for me
once wounded, ill blow truth to hell
drag you,i will
im going to.

this wind, these kisses, these tears
these pictures,
means alot, but not enough

YOU?
the biggest part , was once in me
now, a piece of a 'thing' somewhere in the chaotic box of my mind.

Yes, im angry, furious,hurt and fine.

It has been a while, a very long one.

I hate that when i blog, i say things thats too personal and the people that would read it would just get annoyed. So, i stopped. I have so much too talk about, so much forgotten. Why do my gf's and bf's have to be so far away from me.
Im stranded now. Thinking too much, maybe i felt that what's best wasnt that good after all. I miss this. I miss you, my dearest friends.

Im having my own SELF retreat, treating myself to things i wanted to do, but never did, things that i had to give up, i am focus to strive for my own happiness, my satisfaction.

If loving, commiting, means not being happy and forcing myself, then it's not right. Doesnt matter how hard it hurts me, i believe i'll be better in time. I'll cry, i swear i would, but thats ok, im still fine, those are emotions, can't help it aye.

Im occupied, for you, my love, which is my passion and you guys, me dearest.
Im flying away from the cage that once locked me in.

Sun shines through the window

its destructive & its hurting me inside.
Im too much into it now and its so hard to let go.
Please, tell me what to do, the gravity is pulling every inch of me down.

I'm loosing control, no matter what i do, it just doesnt feel right.
I know i can change this, but im not sure if its real anymore.
This isnt the way it supposed to be.
I wanna fall down reaching, not failling.

I lost the spark in me that i once have.
inspiration,strength.
arent you supposed to be all of that to me?

i lost all interest that i had, u name it.

i need a holiday, from all the sucky things in my life.

everything just doesnt seem important anymore, not even myself.

im alone inside, im on my own, im invisible.
my soul?
helpless

Its funny how things can change in the blink of an eye, how it could be so very ironic.
Every part of it is fragile, and how u have to be carefull with each step that u decide to take,
the words u choose to put out.

people cant be who you want or hope them to be.
they just be.

Im passionate, passionate on life,
on you, on everything and everyone around me.
maybe too passionate I'd say.
pleasing you, hurts me.

it drives me crazy,
and yet im helpless,
lost and feeling numb,
practically, nothing.

When the morning air gets to you

Im on the strings
in the verge of gaining the thoughts of surviving
pulling myself on the way of imposters
why i cared?
i dont even understand why
i guess it gets to u when theres too much going on
especially when ure doing it alone
dont trust anyone they say
i cant even trust myself
set ur goals, ur virtue, with efforts
forget it all and go straight to the point and achieve it
if only it goes that way
i cant seem to get my mind straight

i know it looks like im mumbling things but im just expressing how i feel
and why or whats the cause
that is mine to keep and fr u to figure out.

when i was feeling so well and safe
there goes the bells to put an end to everything

maybe, try to be better this time
i will, i promise
somewhere on the clouds,
theres a part of me that i see, so free
i wana feel that, it just a matter of time
and the thoughts of that, is what keeps me going=)

i miss you, all my friends wherever u guys are
i miss you, my girls and sweets
i miss you, my heartbeat
i miss you, dad,mom and the rest of the family
i miss you, my late grandma,ouh god, i miss her so much!

The Process

Im thinking,
Im flushing,
Draining away every bits of you,
The thoughts of you,
The comparison of you,
Dreams about you,
EVERY single thing about you.


Get over me, get over you.

Mind Block

ok, im inspired, very, especially its the holidays, im not having a writer's block or a blogger's block, wtv that goes with it, damn it, but im not writing anymore, y so?
arghh,i dont even know why, i need a breath of fresh air, i feel stuck in a box but im getting comfortable with it, well, i dont want to actualy, i dont want to get comfortable. whats happening to me??
im not depressed, nothing is wrong but what is wrong?
get it?
gosh,it just getting too complicated.
its bad when ure not inspired, but u get too inspired but nowhere to release it to, this is wt happen, you get lost.

tidak kira

Tidak kira siapa yg datang,
tidak kira apa menjelang
tidak kira siapa yg berkata
tidak kira apa sahaja
aku tetap dia yg punya:)

aye aye aye tears i cryy

i left with a thought of u
i walk with your hands
i run with u guarding
i lay down with by my side
i stand with u with me
i close my eyes with u in sight me
i turn with u turning
i smile with your happiness
i cry with your sorrow
i move with your grace
i breath with your air
i am here with you
i live for you

Seasons Hearted

the winter's cold
the summer's heat
the autumn's wind
the spring's colors
the warmth of ur open hands
retrieve the chain of emotions in me
the touch of heart from yours to mine
went straight ahead non left behind
ouh
hisses misses your kiss has no lie
tears in ur eyes shines thru never shattered
every inch of u tells me a story
a never ending tale that will never go pale
every part of me now yours and what you are is what i am
what we have grown to be is parts of u and me
north or west,neither east nor coast
wherever u are, uphill or downpar
you take me along with you
the presence of me is there with you
at heart in the beat and breath of every seconds
that vows to love
and wherever i am,the shadow, the presence of u still
will always be, never be look passed
together blissfully

:)

dah la rasanya i didnt write any proper post
heheh
miss it tho, bt i xde any inspiration in wt to write actualy
hehe, well, after all the hectic registration and starters on my studies i thank god that at last all of it has settle and been done
finally i can sit and relax
bt sadly i have to pull out from joining my uni's drumbattle on march as i can gskip that much of clas to join the bttle. as this smter is the bussiest smster of all
darn it
bt no worries, for the debate events, ill try my best to join each of em, see u guys in novice,insyaallah:)
i gtg
rushing to some things
much love:)

Tribute

Al-fatihah to my dear late grandmother Allahyarhamah SHARIPAH SARPAN on the 3rd o Jan 2009.
(i call her 'MAK' which means mother)
Thank god i got to see, talk to her and give her hugs & kisses on the night before her last breath.
She have given such a big IMPACT in my life. Loosing such an inspiration of LOVE & SPIRIT makes me think back how strong she was, going through 80 years of her life and stay strong for her children and love them unconditionally even through her tough times.


Thanks to all of the relatives that came all the way from around KL, Perak, Melaka, Johor and Pahang to Our house in Ampang just to be in time for the funeral.
Alhamdulillah, all of my aunts and uncles get to see and kiss their mother for the last time.
& i am so thankfull that god made all my family gt together and get to meet after a long time appart.

& thanks to my dear friend Fared for being there for me the whole day, although u were asleep half of the time! hahaha. and because he was staying over my house the day before 'MAK' passed away.

& also, thanks to my Love,Amirul, who came and helped around the house for the tahlil.

Mak,im sorry for all my wrongdoings and mistakes i made, i love you and im sorry i didnt get to spend much time with you, bt know that i loved, and apperciate all that you've done for me,
and i believe i have made u proud with my achivements and i know you'll always be here still in my heart.
I MISS YOU MAK:'(