Its blood
leaking through my emotions in this tender strength
its mine
winding through bones in my body
shivers my heart,
weak,no more
not anymore.
im gold
darken by the shining light that mischieved my threat
words, are just words for me
once wounded, ill blow truth to hell
drag you,i will
im going to.
this wind, these kisses, these tears
these pictures,
means alot, but not enough
YOU?
the biggest part , was once in me
now, a piece of a 'thing' somewhere in the chaotic box of my mind.
Yes, im angry, furious,hurt and fine.
Nov 21, 2009
It has been a while, a very long one.
I hate that when i blog, i say things thats too personal and the people that would read it would just get annoyed. So, i stopped. I have so much too talk about, so much forgotten. Why do my gf's and bf's have to be so far away from me.
Im stranded now. Thinking too much, maybe i felt that what's best wasnt that good after all. I miss this. I miss you, my dearest friends.
Im having my own SELF retreat, treating myself to things i wanted to do, but never did, things that i had to give up, i am focus to strive for my own happiness, my satisfaction.
If loving, commiting, means not being happy and forcing myself, then it's not right. Doesnt matter how hard it hurts me, i believe i'll be better in time. I'll cry, i swear i would, but thats ok, im still fine, those are emotions, can't help it aye.
Im occupied, for you, my love, which is my passion and you guys, me dearest.
Im flying away from the cage that once locked me in.
Im stranded now. Thinking too much, maybe i felt that what's best wasnt that good after all. I miss this. I miss you, my dearest friends.
Im having my own SELF retreat, treating myself to things i wanted to do, but never did, things that i had to give up, i am focus to strive for my own happiness, my satisfaction.
If loving, commiting, means not being happy and forcing myself, then it's not right. Doesnt matter how hard it hurts me, i believe i'll be better in time. I'll cry, i swear i would, but thats ok, im still fine, those are emotions, can't help it aye.
Im occupied, for you, my love, which is my passion and you guys, me dearest.
Im flying away from the cage that once locked me in.
Sep 10, 2009
How do you
how do you know that ure strong inside? i thought i was but after a term of evaluating myself, and how i can be, i doubt that im that strong or even at all.
im too scared to loose everything that i have now, which makes me acts and do everything too much just to make sure everything are fine.
im too scared to be alone now.
ive taken alot f things in the past for granted, with lies and deceptions.
i regret what i did, every part of it, so i dont want to let myself let it happen ever,again.
i hate the term, word, wtv it is 'KARMA'
im trying my best not to believe it.
maybe karma do exist, but, i believe more on own's decision.
I believe what u decide, and what u do, are the reason why u are in and facing ur situations and life.
its not karma, its what u decide, if its wrong, u know its wrong, if its right, it is.
when the 'wrong' happens to u, u say it karma, but u know what, life's not fair,
and the fact that ure vulnarable to that 'wrong'.
u can avoid it, u know u can, but u let it happen, coz u feel ure strong enough to face it.
but when u realize ure not, u just have to face it.
i dont believe in coincidence, i dont believe in "meant to be's".
i believe, if u believe in something and put ur mind to it, everything are "meant to be"
wtv happens in ur life are fate, u decide, chooses whats right and wrong, and it will take it from there, its all in u, me and everyone.
ure too scared that karma would happen, weird coincidence, so, why bother, it just gives u fear in life. its a choice, its the path u chose to go on, and these are the ones on that path.
regrets?
i used to say, no regrets in everything i do. but someone made me realize that if u dont regret of the mistakes u've done, ull do it again, coz u dont regret doing it before.
i do. i regret, and sorry for all the lies, badwords, bad actions, all the 'wrongs' ive done, coz i dont want to do it again, it doesnt makes me feel better, it hurts after a while, it hurts the ones that i cared and even the ones that i hate, and hates me, but i could have done things differently,better, not dirty.
i regret all the 'wrongs' in my past even thats in my life now.
Fate?
maybe, idk.
im being impossible, kan?
I may view things differently but, well, thats just me.
im too scared to loose everything that i have now, which makes me acts and do everything too much just to make sure everything are fine.
im too scared to be alone now.
ive taken alot f things in the past for granted, with lies and deceptions.
i regret what i did, every part of it, so i dont want to let myself let it happen ever,again.
i hate the term, word, wtv it is 'KARMA'
im trying my best not to believe it.
maybe karma do exist, but, i believe more on own's decision.
I believe what u decide, and what u do, are the reason why u are in and facing ur situations and life.
its not karma, its what u decide, if its wrong, u know its wrong, if its right, it is.
when the 'wrong' happens to u, u say it karma, but u know what, life's not fair,
and the fact that ure vulnarable to that 'wrong'.
u can avoid it, u know u can, but u let it happen, coz u feel ure strong enough to face it.
but when u realize ure not, u just have to face it.
i dont believe in coincidence, i dont believe in "meant to be's".
i believe, if u believe in something and put ur mind to it, everything are "meant to be"
wtv happens in ur life are fate, u decide, chooses whats right and wrong, and it will take it from there, its all in u, me and everyone.
ure too scared that karma would happen, weird coincidence, so, why bother, it just gives u fear in life. its a choice, its the path u chose to go on, and these are the ones on that path.
regrets?
i used to say, no regrets in everything i do. but someone made me realize that if u dont regret of the mistakes u've done, ull do it again, coz u dont regret doing it before.
i do. i regret, and sorry for all the lies, badwords, bad actions, all the 'wrongs' ive done, coz i dont want to do it again, it doesnt makes me feel better, it hurts after a while, it hurts the ones that i cared and even the ones that i hate, and hates me, but i could have done things differently,better, not dirty.
i regret all the 'wrongs' in my past even thats in my life now.
Fate?
maybe, idk.
im being impossible, kan?
I may view things differently but, well, thats just me.
Sun shines through the window
its destructive & its hurting me inside. Im too much into it now and its so hard to let go. Please, tell me what to do, the gravity is pulling every inch of me down. Im loosing control, no matter what i do, it just doesnt feel right. I know i can change this, but im not sure if its real anymore. This isnt the way it supposed to be. I wanna fall down reaching, not failling.
I lost the spark in me that i once have. inspiration,strength. arent you supposed to be all of that to me?
i lost all interest that i have, on studies,debate,bands, u name it.
i need a holiday, from all the sucky things in my life.
everything just doesnt seem important anymore, not even myself.
im alone inside, im on my own, im invisible.
my soul?
helpless
Its funny how things can change in the blink of an eye, how it could be so very ironic.
Every part of it is fragile, and how u have to be carefull with each step that u decide to take,
the words u choose to put out.
people cant be who you want or hope them to be.
they just be.
im passionate, passionate on life, on you, on everything and everyone around me.
maybe too passionate i'd say.
pleasing you, hurts me.
it drives me crazy, and yet im helpless,lost and feeling numb, pratically, nothing.
I lost the spark in me that i once have. inspiration,strength. arent you supposed to be all of that to me?
i lost all interest that i have, on studies,debate,bands, u name it.
i need a holiday, from all the sucky things in my life.
everything just doesnt seem important anymore, not even myself.
im alone inside, im on my own, im invisible.
my soul?
helpless
Its funny how things can change in the blink of an eye, how it could be so very ironic.
Every part of it is fragile, and how u have to be carefull with each step that u decide to take,
the words u choose to put out.
people cant be who you want or hope them to be.
they just be.
im passionate, passionate on life, on you, on everything and everyone around me.
maybe too passionate i'd say.
pleasing you, hurts me.
it drives me crazy, and yet im helpless,lost and feeling numb, pratically, nothing.
Aug 4, 2009
now i get it
how it feels, how he felt.
ouch, very badly.
ouh god
i should be moving on by now right?
it just would'nt go away
ouch, very badly.
ouh god
i should be moving on by now right?
it just would'nt go away
Jul 30, 2009
Study Spirit
For me, after the semester break, to get back on track, i have to get "in the zone",
so that i can focus on classes and put my mind and body into the study spirit.
As i was getting comfortable with the uni environment and getting over my homesick and being away from my boyfriends and friends,
H1N1 have to happen, and there you go, another holiday.
damn H1N1.
now i have to do all the things all over again next week.
and im tired, Sick and tired.
"Im tired being sick and tired"- Oprah Winfrey
I agree, cz that is how i feel bout my study mode now.
so that i can focus on classes and put my mind and body into the study spirit.
As i was getting comfortable with the uni environment and getting over my homesick and being away from my boyfriends and friends,
H1N1 have to happen, and there you go, another holiday.
damn H1N1.
now i have to do all the things all over again next week.
and im tired, Sick and tired.
"Im tired being sick and tired"- Oprah Winfrey
I agree, cz that is how i feel bout my study mode now.
Holidays?
as much as i love holidays and being home and spend time with my boyfriend,
I hate the fact that this "so-called holiday" means that less holiday on RAYA.
i mean like, i cant have much fun on raya, for the past few years, so busy with uni, i bet a lot of us doesnt really have much fun on raya, and i thought well, this year i thought well more holidays on raya, at least ill be having a nice raya, but nooo, the flu have to happen.
And, o yeah, how is our beloved UITM can be sure that our campus will be safe after a week holiday?
I hate the fact that this "so-called holiday" means that less holiday on RAYA.
i mean like, i cant have much fun on raya, for the past few years, so busy with uni, i bet a lot of us doesnt really have much fun on raya, and i thought well, this year i thought well more holidays on raya, at least ill be having a nice raya, but nooo, the flu have to happen.
And, o yeah, how is our beloved UITM can be sure that our campus will be safe after a week holiday?
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