bitter & sweet

Yummy cupcakes, colored flavors,
bit my tongue, doing favors,
hiding bitterness on taste buds,
savior for lost hearts,
refreshing vibe falls through,
maybe chocolate and cookies too.

Either one you choose, you may,
feel scattered when bitterness surface,
yet, sweetness calms the bricks of emotions,
in between hours and distance.

The sole partner, preserving feelings that makes you high.
when your soul and body slowly dies.

Digging waves of words

Mildly spinning my body towards the sound of the ears,
like white sheets blown by the cold air, drying.
carrying me, weightless,

The heat of the sun, sweats my skin to tears,
sticks of blue box cigarettes touches my lips,
everytime i preach, my heart breached, for the stone cold emotions,
captured by the hands of loneliness,

The rain shall pour on me, in those hopeless night,
when the blood rushing through our veins,
moving towards direction we can't hold,
resisting reality that flashes in view,

The drives kept sacred with our immortality,
written as the history, as reference,
tenderness lies harden beneath the layers that covers,

and I'd stand through the weathers coming,
and You'd would elevate as the wind blows,
If the wind flies you back to the starting line,
theres where we'll touch, creating presence,

Glued to strings, attached to the everlasting memories.

;)

But For You

P/S: This was something that I found in my old journal and everytime I read, it brings every memories to mind. hope it means something to you guys too :)


What have u done to me?
The fact that it hurts to know that ure not mine
The fact that u give me hope
Then pull the strings out
I never would put my heart on the line

But for you..
I feel that im putting my heart under the chopping bord
Waiting for u to save it or let go
U keep pulling the strings
To make me wonder & guess
What is the real deal between us
Baby, I love you
Beneath it all u know that its true
I seem as dumb as i could be

But for you..
Ill swim through the seas
Through the air
Through everything in despair
As long as i get to see you
As much as we want to
I look beneath the odds & the bound
Look pass the worse & the sound
I blame myself for not being who you want

But for you..
I cant stop sacrifice
I cant stop the lies
I cant imagine how my life would be
if u ever let me go
but i promise myself
I wouldnt let myself down

Ouh help me god
if that ever happen
let him love me as much as i love him
Let us be.

Mind Strain

I wish there are fallen leaves, falling over my skin,
breeze, wind, blowing my hair of my shoulder.

Big green field, so I can run, lie around and fall onto.

I wish there's a tree, with a swing, for me to sit on,
so the wind would blow it and makes me fly.

I wish there's smell of morning glory surrounds.
and the sun would shine through me, giving me the light that I need.

I wish the rain would wash you away from my mind, body and soul.
not even a glimpse of missing, attraction or memories left.

I wish to be happy now, then, and ever.

Descriptions in detailed section

I ran towards the door to catch your eye, but somehow I fail to impress the right guy,

the mission I was on completely turn right on me, backfired,

the rest can just shut,

windows are broken, showing the emptiness stored,

the weaknesses that owned by the puppets, laughing down evilly from dark skies,

'I'd rather see you in pain' they said,

I banished every sentence their mouth made,

I'll be fighting for my life and break into the sites of fears,

constructions on the life core , I once believed were the reason I should live on,

I imagined little children laughs, jumping up and down the plays and grounds,

the innocence , the honesty, I missed,

now, should I be threaten by what I let myself to,

or should I face and bring out all the growling self in me,

despite the smirk I have on my face,

I'm not the puppets, the evils, I'm just living, surviving,

& if doing that means i should force, torture, I might just do.

Bloody Hell

Its blood
leaking through my emotions in this tender strength

its mine
winding through bones in my body
shivers my heart,
weak,no more
not anymore.

im gold
darken by the shining light that mischieved my threat
words, are just words for me
once wounded, ill blow truth to hell
drag you,i will
im going to.

this wind, these kisses, these tears
these pictures,
means alot, but not enough

YOU?
the biggest part , was once in me
now, a piece of a 'thing' somewhere in the chaotic box of my mind.

Yes, im angry, furious,hurt and fine.

It has been a while, a very long one.

I hate that when i blog, i say things thats too personal and the people that would read it would just get annoyed. So, i stopped. I have so much too talk about, so much forgotten. Why do my gf's and bf's have to be so far away from me.
Im stranded now. Thinking too much, maybe i felt that what's best wasnt that good after all. I miss this. I miss you, my dearest friends.

Im having my own SELF retreat, treating myself to things i wanted to do, but never did, things that i had to give up, i am focus to strive for my own happiness, my satisfaction.

If loving, commiting, means not being happy and forcing myself, then it's not right. Doesnt matter how hard it hurts me, i believe i'll be better in time. I'll cry, i swear i would, but thats ok, im still fine, those are emotions, can't help it aye.

Im occupied, for you, my love, which is my passion and you guys, me dearest.
Im flying away from the cage that once locked me in.