Leia's Leftover Roller coaster emotions, waves of words and strings of reality.

Holding yours, teasing hers

2011-04-25T15:31:00.000-07:00

Sprinkle a little bit of your love to me

drain away the bits that hurts in me

with your smile, it lit up the world to me

and your hands just made it complete

I maybe avoiding but I ain't teasing

testing the waters for something pleasing

I'm holding back for the same reason

that makes our head distant

I hold my promise to another man

& you hold yours to the one you have

you could be the reason to a lot of things

but we can't see what the future brings

I stand aside & you keep hugging tight

to these feelings that we can't hide

if you ever kiss that lady right

a part of you in me has died

Lullaby 2

2011-04-25T15:26:00.000-07:00

There are tiny boxes in my mind

Little steps in my heart

that leaves marks around

The boxes keeps on coming with bubbling air

blowing ages of kept secrets away

It throws ashes bit by bit

washes spots that's hard to hit

it holds my hands but I won't look by

& do not ask me why

Words floats over my head

with silly boats sinking

there's this boy that I've met

makes my heart go beating

An old post in the draft

2010-04-26T12:57:00.000-07:00

P/S: I wrote this right after I spend those time with you, but I didn't have the guts to pull it off. now, idk if what I felt still exists, my egos are coming up, and I can't help it. I want to be alone now. sigh*

Love is all about being patient,
maybe I was blind, but I believe he was patient with my attitude,
I thought I was,
and now it's my turn to be patient,
patient towards myself, him, my loved ones
Thanks Kara, your post made me think.

I know, I hurt him in a way, he could not even handle,
it hurt so bad that it was better for me to stay away from him,
and I did, but I couldn't, because I've failed myself
I've failed him
I can't make him happy anymore, I can't ease him anymore
Maybe I can, but he won't let himself to take the risk of being hurt again?

Someone told me,
"Music is love, love is music, music is my life, and I love my life",
You are my MUSIC syg,
Let me in your heart again, and I will treat you right
the way you deserve to,

I love the way you are, and I believe you know how I am
and I am not lying to you right now and you know that
I understand how it feels, I realized how deep the wound was,
I won't ever want you to feel that again
maybe I'm out of place right now, but I'm handling it sanely

I menggelabah, when I am the reason you're not happy
baby, I'm patient now
towards how you are and how everything going
I'm not messed up and am not keeping the out of control act

I heard a song,
"Poor little misunderstood baby
No one likes a sad face
But I can't remember life without him
I think I did have good days"

I remember life with you
and I can't be without

2010-04-26T10:46:00.001-07:00

some people belongs in ur life till the end, some are just a phase

needs

2010-04-25T12:19:00.000-07:00

look for me and save me
find me and save me

save me from myself
save me from you

save me

When there's no one around

2010-04-22T15:23:00.000-07:00

It's 6.20 am
and I'm home
I'll wait for the time to pass on
so I stare and stare
the picture on my screen
the anklet you gave me
and the bracelet on my wrist

when there's no one around
and nowhere to be found
I'll make up words to a sentence
so I won't bother other existence

all I'd like to say
to make it clear all the way
that I'll be here
with no fear

when there's no one around you
and nobody found you
I'll make up threads to a blanket
so you would not feel sad

7 years has come and pass
tho' we hope it last
now I let it up to god
to define the knots

I'll be here
when there's no one around
reach out
when you need a sound

the ayat

2010-04-13T12:41:00.001-07:00

Don't find the time to cry for me, don't find the words to speak for me, don't find the nerve to feel for me, just get the fuck away from me

2010-04-02T10:44:00.000-07:00

I was always sure about what I want to do
but I was never sure when it comes to you

Take me into the night and I'll show you the other side

2010-04-02T10:23:00.000-07:00

The lights are out, and we're lying here on this bed
both on the other side

It might seem we're going nowhere
lay down beside me and stare
stare through our hearts that have pushed so far

catch my heart and say it's alright
and roll over to the part we always stayed
let me make you feel alive again

for one last time let's go to the part we're afraid of
hold my hand and lead me there
push my hair aside and whisper
say " we're here "

Take me into the night, and I'll show you the other side
the side we have lost, for too much shouts and doubts
now blinded, and redeeming the parts we fall in love with
fragile and torn, now flowing with threads of emptiness

will the water flow in the right directions?
and heals as our hopes do?

am searching for the antidote in me
that you once call yours
and make you smile once again

starting to listen to the voices I've ignored
starting to understand rather than againts
accepting the possibilities that are on the window

It's wonderful how you remind me why I fell for you in the 1st place
It's those little surprises
The way you talk to me, the way you say maybe
and won't let your heart down
It's the way you wondered but never shown
It's the way you care but never seem
It's the way you love me, and how u made me feel
you did it your way, not like any other
It's the way you know me, diff from the others
It's the way you look at me, when everyone is around
It's the way you listen and understood more than i could

yes, all of the troubles blinded me from the importants
I was a fool to forget
Now I got it all back,
sticking it in my mind, either way

Let the wind blows us the way it want to
Let the time passes and displays
as the hopes ushers us
and hold us closer more than we ever did

All I can say is,

2010-03-30T21:35:00.000-07:00

Speechless and glad.

it worth every second and I cherish that

:)

In the dark

2010-03-28T20:16:00.000-07:00

Baby,
I see u when darkness slowly closing in on me

I want to shout, to make u notice

yes
I don't need you
because I can live without you
I don't need you
because I can be on my own

but I can't
doesn't matter how far I am or try to be
doesn't matter whoever surrounds me

my heart is with you
and I keep falling back towards you

I didn't force or make it go your way
but it did anyway
I'm still not forcing or make my heart and mind with thoughts of you
but it is
every minute and every second
I didn't make my body feel your presence
but I felt it anyway

each time I look away
there would be a piece of you falls on my lap
I'd brush it off
and it would still flew back to me

each step i walk further away from you
theres a a chain that keep pulling me back
and when i stood still, it kept trying to make me tripped
tripped into you, thoughts of you, presence of you
each distinct significant parts of you
crumbling down on me

God, make it stop, please
it hurts
it keeps reminding me that he's not mine anymore
and I'm not his.

am I not yours baby?

but wait, don't make it stop
keep it coming
because I LOVE YOU
and even when it hurts,
at the end of the day,
I'll be fine
because even thoughts of you, makes me smile

IMY, I really do.

2010-03-27T13:05:00.000-07:00

I fall asleep at night, dreaming of you,
and when I get home from classes,
I looked for my phone to reach you like I always do,
or when I get home, I would have called,
if I could.

I miss you
and all the little things that we do
I miss you
from the sunrise and every other day too

Everytime I walk in my room,
theres pictures of you scattered on the table
and when I looked down,
I'll end up seeing flashes of our hardest time together,

I miss you
and the feeling when u said we're fine
I miss you
and thoughts of you just kept me blind

P/S :I miss waking you up every other day,
I miss you saying you can't wait to see me
I miss your sincere 'Im-truly-happy' grin :)
I miss you asking how I'm doing today
I miss you calling me smooch, sweets and love
I even miss you cooking me lunch :)
I miss you giving me an eye to show that i did something wrong
I miss you saying you're worried
I miss you telling me 'Imy syg'
I miss the smell of your breath
I miss how you always take more time getting ready than I do
I miss how you smell better than me
I miss how much you workout
I miss those driving range
I miss those lonely nights away
I miss the snaps of silly pictures
I miss how u hug me from the back
I miss how u roll over to my side and hug me after we fight
I miss you comforting me
I miss calling u my home
I miss the teases and doveys
I miss you bothering me
I miss seeing your name comes up on my phone
I miss your calls and talks
I miss seeing my picture in ur wallet
I miss you saying 'everything's fine'
I miss you standing up for me
I Miss You, and if I could just pick up the phone and say
"I MISS YOU SO MUCH", I would.

Remember when u wrote " She's my gugugaga" and "Duh-vey"
That's when I know you're telling the world I'm yours, and that's all there is.
Everything felt perfect that moment, and
I couldn't be more proud to be the one by your side.

So, I'd like to say 'thank you', for that moment, that feeling.

9th

2010-03-19T12:23:00.000-07:00

I will rise,
breathing through dark clouds of the hours, I will embrace
so you'll see me

I will rise,
I will run up the mountains, and roar as loud
so you can hear me

I believe that someday will be my time and I feel that its coming to me
I'm reaching from beneath the core,to loose myself free,and be alive for me

I wonder if you ever be waiting for me, at the end of the tunnel

Trouble

2010-03-14T04:46:00.000-07:00

You're trouble,
descend from grace,
You're addictive,
lighten from the best,

I tried to leave you
exhaling from my system
you're a drug
chases the shadow i disgrace

every threat from you
are words of love
you're a disease
that cures my sickness

I'll follow you from the crowd of ghosts
I'll look for every track that I can find

I miss the days of surprises
Leaving does not mean I gave in
It means I need to survive
from you

thank you for the wonderful memories
and the time of crises
<3

bitter & sweet

2010-03-10T13:45:00.000-08:00

Yummy cupcakes, colored flavors,
bit my tongue, doing favors,
hiding bitterness on taste buds,
savior for lost hearts,
refreshing vibe falls through,
maybe chocolate and cookies too.

Either one you choose, you may,
feel scattered when bitterness surface,
yet, sweetness calms the bricks of emotions,
in between hours and distance.

The sole partner, preserving feelings that makes you high.
when your soul and body slowly dies.

Digging waves of words

2010-03-10T07:28:00.000-08:00

Mildly spinning my body towards the sound of the ears,
like white sheets blown by the cold air, drying.
carrying me, weightless,

The heat of the sun, sweats my skin to tears,
sticks of blue box cigarettes touches my lips,
everytime i preach, my heart breached, for the stone cold emotions,
captured by the hands of loneliness,

The rain shall pour on me, in those hopeless night,
when the blood rushing through our veins,
moving towards direction we can't hold,
resisting reality that flashes in view,

The drives kept sacred with our immortality,
written as the history, as reference,
tenderness lies harden beneath the layers that covers,

and I'd stand through the weathers coming,
and You'd would elevate as the wind blows,
If the wind flies you back to the starting line,
theres where we'll touch, creating presence,

Glued to strings, attached to the everlasting memories.

;)

But For You

2010-03-10T07:21:00.000-08:00

P/S: This was something that I found in my old journal and everytime I read, it brings every memories to mind. hope it means something to you guys too :)

What have u done to me?
The fact that it hurts to know that ure not mine
The fact that u give me hope
Then pull the strings out
I never would put my heart on the line

But for you..
I feel that im putting my heart under the chopping bord
Waiting for u to save it or let go
U keep pulling the strings
To make me wonder & guess
What is the real deal between us
Baby, I love you
Beneath it all u know that its true
I seem as dumb as i could be

But for you..
Ill swim through the seas
Through the air
Through everything in despair
As long as i get to see you
As much as we want to
I look beneath the odds & the bound
Look pass the worse & the sound
I blame myself for not being who you want

But for you..
I cant stop sacrifice
I cant stop the lies
I cant imagine how my life would be
if u ever let me go
but i promise myself
I wouldnt let myself down

Ouh help me god
if that ever happen
let him love me as much as i love him
Let us be.

Mind Strain

2010-03-10T07:18:00.000-08:00

I wish there are fallen leaves, falling over my skin,
breeze, wind, blowing my hair of my shoulder.

Big green field, so I can run, lie around and fall onto.

I wish there's a tree, with a swing, for me to sit on,
so the wind would blow it and makes me fly.

I wish there's smell of morning glory surrounds.
and the sun would shine through me, giving me the light that I need.

I wish the rain would wash you away from my mind, body and soul.
not even a glimpse of missing, attraction or memories left.

I wish to be happy now, then, and ever.

Descriptions in detailed section

2010-03-10T05:05:00.000-08:00

I ran towards the door to catch your eye, but somehow I fail to impress the right guy,

the mission I was on completely turn right on me, backfired,

the rest can just shut,

windows are broken, showing the emptiness stored,

the weaknesses that owned by the puppets, laughing down evilly from dark skies,

'I'd rather see you in pain' they said,

I banished every sentence their mouth made,

I'll be fighting for my life and break into the sites of fears,

constructions on the life core , I once believed were the reason I should live on,

I imagined little children laughs, jumping up and down the plays and grounds,

the innocence , the honesty, I missed,

now, should I be threaten by what I let myself to,

or should I face and bring out all the growling self in me,

despite the smirk I have on my face,

I'm not the puppets, the evils, I'm just living, surviving,

& if doing that means i should force, torture, I might just do.

Bloody Hell

2009-11-21T08:54:00.000-08:00

Its blood
leaking through my emotions in this tender strength

its mine
winding through bones in my body
shivers my heart,
weak,no more
not anymore.

im gold
darken by the shining light that mischieved my threat
words, are just words for me
once wounded, ill blow truth to hell
drag you,i will
im going to.

this wind, these kisses, these tears
these pictures,
means alot, but not enough

YOU?
the biggest part , was once in me
now, a piece of a 'thing' somewhere in the chaotic box of my mind.

Yes, im angry, furious,hurt and fine.

It has been a while, a very long one.

2009-11-21T08:36:00.000-08:00

I hate that when i blog, i say things thats too personal and the people that would read it would just get annoyed. So, i stopped. I have so much too talk about, so much forgotten. Why do my gf's and bf's have to be so far away from me.
Im stranded now. Thinking too much, maybe i felt that what's best wasnt that good after all. I miss this. I miss you, my dearest friends.

Im having my own SELF retreat, treating myself to things i wanted to do, but never did, things that i had to give up, i am focus to strive for my own happiness, my satisfaction.

If loving, commiting, means not being happy and forcing myself, then it's not right. Doesnt matter how hard it hurts me, i believe i'll be better in time. I'll cry, i swear i would, but thats ok, im still fine, those are emotions, can't help it aye.

Im occupied, for you, my love, which is my passion and you guys, me dearest.
Im flying away from the cage that once locked me in.

Sun shines through the window

2009-09-10T17:26:00.000-07:00

its destructive & its hurting me inside.
Im too much into it now and its so hard to let go.
Please, tell me what to do, the gravity is pulling every inch of me down.

I'm loosing control, no matter what i do, it just doesnt feel right.
I know i can change this, but im not sure if its real anymore.
This isnt the way it supposed to be.
I wanna fall down reaching, not failling.

I lost the spark in me that i once have.
inspiration,strength.
arent you supposed to be all of that to me?

i lost all interest that i had, u name it.

i need a holiday, from all the sucky things in my life.

everything just doesnt seem important anymore, not even myself.

im alone inside, im on my own, im invisible.
my soul?
helpless

Its funny how things can change in the blink of an eye, how it could be so very ironic.
Every part of it is fragile, and how u have to be carefull with each step that u decide to take,
the words u choose to put out.

people cant be who you want or hope them to be.
they just be.

Im passionate, passionate on life,
on you, on everything and everyone around me.
maybe too passionate I'd say.
pleasing you, hurts me.

it drives me crazy,
and yet im helpless,
lost and feeling numb,
practically, nothing.

When the morning air gets to you

2009-07-06T13:48:00.000-07:00

Im on the strings
in the verge of gaining the thoughts of surviving
pulling myself on the way of imposters
why i cared?
i dont even understand why
i guess it gets to u when theres too much going on
especially when ure doing it alone
dont trust anyone they say
i cant even trust myself
set ur goals, ur virtue, with efforts
forget it all and go straight to the point and achieve it
if only it goes that way
i cant seem to get my mind straight

i know it looks like im mumbling things but im just expressing how i feel
and why or whats the cause
that is mine to keep and fr u to figure out.

when i was feeling so well and safe
there goes the bells to put an end to everything

maybe, try to be better this time
i will, i promise
somewhere on the clouds,
theres a part of me that i see, so free
i wana feel that, it just a matter of time
and the thoughts of that, is what keeps me going=)

i miss you, all my friends wherever u guys are
i miss you, my girls and sweets
i miss you, my heartbeat
i miss you, dad,mom and the rest of the family
i miss you, my late grandma,ouh god, i miss her so much!

The Process

2009-06-19T02:05:00.000-07:00

Im thinking,
Im flushing,
Draining away every bits of you,
The thoughts of you,
The comparison of you,
Dreams about you,
EVERY single thing about you.

Get over me, get over you.

Mind Block

2009-04-16T08:53:00.000-07:00

ok, im inspired, very, especially its the holidays, im not having a writer's block or a blogger's block, wtv that goes with it, damn it, but im not writing anymore, y so?
arghh,i dont even know why, i need a breath of fresh air, i feel stuck in a box but im getting comfortable with it, well, i dont want to actualy, i dont want to get comfortable. whats happening to me??
im not depressed, nothing is wrong but what is wrong?
get it?
gosh,it just getting too complicated.
its bad when ure not inspired, but u get too inspired but nowhere to release it to, this is wt happen, you get lost.

tidak kira

2009-02-16T12:44:00.000-08:00

Tidak kira siapa yg datang,
tidak kira apa menjelang
tidak kira siapa yg berkata
tidak kira apa sahaja
aku tetap dia yg punya:)

aye aye aye tears i cryy

2009-02-14T10:48:00.000-08:00

i left with a thought of u
i walk with your hands
i run with u guarding
i lay down with by my side
i stand with u with me
i close my eyes with u in sight me
i turn with u turning
i smile with your happiness
i cry with your sorrow
i move with your grace
i breath with your air
i am here with you
i live for you

Seasons Hearted

2009-02-14T07:03:00.000-08:00

the winter's cold
the summer's heat
the autumn's wind
the spring's colors
the warmth of ur open hands
retrieve the chain of emotions in me
the touch of heart from yours to mine
went straight ahead non left behind
ouh
hisses misses your kiss has no lie
tears in ur eyes shines thru never shattered
every inch of u tells me a story
a never ending tale that will never go pale
every part of me now yours and what you are is what i am
what we have grown to be is parts of u and me
north or west,neither east nor coast
wherever u are, uphill or downpar
you take me along with you
the presence of me is there with you
at heart in the beat and breath of every seconds
that vows to love
and wherever i am,the shadow, the presence of u still
will always be, never be look passed
together blissfully

:)

2009-02-03T22:07:00.000-08:00

dah la rasanya i didnt write any proper post
heheh
miss it tho, bt i xde any inspiration in wt to write actualy
hehe, well, after all the hectic registration and starters on my studies i thank god that at last all of it has settle and been done
finally i can sit and relax
bt sadly i have to pull out from joining my uni's drumbattle on march as i can gskip that much of clas to join the bttle. as this smter is the bussiest smster of all
darn it
bt no worries, for the debate events, ill try my best to join each of em, see u guys in novice,insyaallah:)
i gtg
rushing to some things
much love:)

Tribute

2009-01-06T04:15:00.000-08:00

Al-fatihah to my dear late grandmother Allahyarhamah SHARIPAH SARPAN on the 3rd o Jan 2009.
(i call her 'MAK' which means mother)
Thank god i got to see, talk to her and give her hugs & kisses on the night before her last breath.
She have given such a big IMPACT in my life. Loosing such an inspiration of LOVE & SPIRIT makes me think back how strong she was, going through 80 years of her life and stay strong for her children and love them unconditionally even through her tough times.

Thanks to all of the relatives that came all the way from around KL, Perak, Melaka, Johor and Pahang to Our house in Ampang just to be in time for the funeral.
Alhamdulillah, all of my aunts and uncles get to see and kiss their mother for the last time.
& i am so thankfull that god made all my family gt together and get to meet after a long time appart.

& thanks to my dear friend Fared for being there for me the whole day, although u were asleep half of the time! hahaha. and because he was staying over my house the day before 'MAK' passed away.

& also, thanks to my Love,Amirul, who came and helped around the house for the tahlil.

Mak,im sorry for all my wrongdoings and mistakes i made, i love you and im sorry i didnt get to spend much time with you, bt know that i loved, and apperciate all that you've done for me,
and i believe i have made u proud with my achivements and i know you'll always be here still in my heart.
I MISS YOU MAK:'(

When i get mushy, ill get realy mushy. hahha

2008-12-27T08:16:00.000-08:00

underneath all the lies there's a truth
truth is, i miss you
underneath all the mess there's a sacred reality
truth is, im in love with you

and the truth is, when it comes to u
i cant seem to find the suitable yet perfect words to describe you
You're unique and original, i guess, that's what i fell for
now, you're the reason i smile
now, you're the sun that shine me thoroughly
now, you're my comfort that makes me high
now, you're my air that comes from within
now, it just u and me and nothing else matter

and if there's any storm that passes by in the future
i'll promise you, i'll hold your hand,and will never let go
as i have given my heart to you, we'll face it all, together

Taken

2008-12-26T08:21:00.000-08:00

those brown eyes
cuts deep through this heart of mine
his undeniably candy sweet smiles
he,himself is one of a kind

It was all worth it,
theres no other words for me to write
nor
to describe
u made me fall for u each time
ill say it all every single time
it just smething dfrent
putting appart the reference
ill be standing by ur side,
through the time,the path
through it all

Thanks sayang:)

P/S:
this is specifically dedicated to someone.he's not one of u,as he doesnt know my blog. hahah

Rise

2008-12-25T10:49:00.001-08:00

the summer breeze
kill me pleasee

the wind blows my hair off my shoulder
sand between my toes as i walk through
and a packet of liquorish never taste better
my cranky sky never this baby blue

when u make me say 'i like u alot'
u make my heart write this for u
words drawn by all the plot
as the sound turning me to u

as colorful as it is
i wonder how it feels
cz i dont know wt to do ,jeez
as i am clueless ,ouh please

pigeon fly by, and i never even bother
not now, details and similarities
is this the one or another
tasting better than the red smarties

putting all the pieces together
abandoned by the one who ignored
and i never feel better
even when im confuse or not

keeping my eyes wide
open, so i wont miss any moment
and as the clouds colide
it creates the seconds

i tripped,bt im not embarrased
i cut,bt im not bleeding
i believe,bt its not a curse
i say,and im not kidding

*wink

Linger, an expression of anger

2008-12-19T11:40:00.000-08:00

no turning back

i loved, u loved, we loved
it was heaven, no rush
we held hands all the way through
but my thoughts went wild
u acted out of reach
i went thousands of mile
to make things better in reach

i pour my heart out, sayang
i let all my guards down
u know how hard it was sayang??
i even let my ego out drown
im the type who stand for its beliefs
but for u, i ignore it all
i tried, fought what thought would be a relief
it even made my heart crawl

i pull, hold the strings as tight, as hard
u?
u just stand there and stared
what happen to you?
i asked, i beg, for the answers
when i was ready to accept ur non-existance
what u did was, lied & give me kisses

i tried my best to believe the words
but baby, in ur eyes, lies the truth
i knew it was coming, it was a cursed
u will someday, tell the truth
what u did,u left with a sentence
'im sorry'
and just dissapear in split seconds?

now, out of the blue, ure back here
saying 'I miss you' and millions of sorry
if u said u hope for me to hug & act to tear
i would say 'u fucking wrong, Haiqal Ramli'

IMPORTANT!!

2008-12-18T04:25:00.000-08:00

if u are going to read the rendition underneath this post, please listen to Paramore-Decode while reading it! its COMPULSORY!

My rendition,of my redemption.

2008-12-14T14:05:00.000-08:00

how could i did what i did
i turn without a look
how could i kill like i did
i glance & i took

ouh lord, neither ure near or far
im on my knees, begging u please
let me out of this misery at war
im sincere,& true,its not a tease

my pride have been drawn
my heart have been stabbed
strenghth? all gone
Faith? not a depth

how long will i be stucked
ouh god, im weak, weak as the hopeless
ouh god how much it sucked
with the words and mockery, im restless

hw much i wish i wont care
not even a bit, not even a skit
hw much i wish i would dare
as far, as near, as bit, as skit

Unoccupied, untied, lying on the ground
holding my hand up, reaching for the impossible
hopelessly dying, curling around
as the glow in my eyes dies, reaching for the impossible

look at me, ull see
the sight, the hell, the misery im in
look into my eyes, ull see
the weak,hopeless,damage im keen

as theres nothing left in my eyes,my soul
reflecting me dying,hopeless

ouh god, i wish to u,i pray,
to make it matter to me,
life, live, not stray
to make me see, its all in me

rendition of the hopeless

INSPIRING in a weird way

2008-12-14T13:59:00.000-08:00

somehow when i hear DECODE - paramore, the words in my head, flows out like waterfall, i cant seem to stop writing. The emotions that the song gave each time i listen to it, are derived from the 'depth' in me. it brings out these deep words, whic me myself, cant explain at times. if u read anything that u dont get, dont blame me, blame the song for provoking and unleashing. hahaha

..........may

2008-12-14T13:45:00.000-08:00

every word that i spit out
may sound bad,or worse
but it is what its all about
may be a gift or a curse

what i am to u
is not what i am to me
it doesnt matter to u
may be nothing to me

blow, blow away
the wind blows so hard
it even gives out flare
offloading the guards

i have no idea
im blank, dark & left
im not writing the criteria
this is just another theft

theft on cheap ,rusty words
those which been smashed to pieces
killed & stung, so absurd
derailed, no hugs or kisses

may it be or not
let the answer be its own
along with the clutter & plot
poluted,poisoned by its tone

Debut Video.. hahha,sounds so exclusive,NOT

2008-12-08T15:11:00.000-08:00

OK, 1st of all, this was made about a year ago.
& 2nd, do not make fun of it cz i know its not as good
3rd it is again, my 1st attemp, so, cut me some slacks yea.
4th., ENJOY:) & COMMENT if u could

& thats afiq, my good friend, miss u dear.
& yes, that silly girl , thats me

Like a Star acoustic cover

unfinished project

2008-12-08T14:39:00.000-08:00

Critical

morning light sparks me right
the breeze shivers my straight through heart
all this while i blank i just might
as well stays as mild

closely still you are to me
ur presence, ur smell
linger the drained love
critically winning me over

how can i say what im doing is right
when ure hurting me inside
i need u like i need air
y cant u see

i still stand here, when i know its over
i stil wait here, when i know its over

ur voice, those whispers
stop it, stop it, its so near
burning my heart, so it clears

stranded all tide up
i guess i tried,it might kill me
bt i wont give up

Sweet 16 Flashbacks

2008-11-27T17:31:00.000-08:00

I made this poem when i was 16, only now im gona let it out.
here are also some pictures of me back then. hehe
But ive modified bits here & there.
its called..

"AFTER SCHOOL RIDE"

She's a typical girl
&
she thought everything around her were real
but the truth is worse than it seems
what have she done to deserve this, she asked herself
as her life prove to be full of deception
Built based on lies & cheat
how she'd been fooled around & beated

They whisper here and there
words flew over the rear
from one to another, labeled by,
homosapiens that dont differ from me and u

She leave on,walk through the path
with ignorance surround , guarding her tight
Deep down, she wish to get back to reality
to be awaken from a dream
a depth that's hurting,
where justice overshadows

She's the after school ride
just an after school ride
being stepped on, up & about
the beat up ride
where the reality is the worse nightmare
as she's been misinterprete
& no one who see her the way they supposed to
& no one really care to care
taken into a place
where people cant stop stared
their whispers, their words, getting louder to her ears
second by second

she know by then
shes the after school ride
where people drop by
make fun, had fun,
then left, left in the cold
pretty much alone and drained

The pain that she cant bare
not anymore
its been killing her inside out
slowly, her soul was taken out
in an instant, she changed into something she once disgust
all on the cause of words
that turn into speeches
molding her into the out line
crashed by the path that she once on

The words, the speech
those lines, hurt her so bad that shes starting to consume
& let it stays inside her
beginning to be apart of her
drifting every piece of what left of her away
she's now one of them, lost, disgusted,
forgotten

From the old dusty journal

2008-11-27T16:44:00.000-08:00

This was practically made around earlier this year.

in a moment where i was quite lost in translation.

"AS YOU"

u make me do things i swear i wont

u broke down my grounds
u make me vulnarable when i shield myself up
u reach out ur hands when i was ready to give up
u turn my life around when ure presence surround

u reach out ur hands as i was ready to live
u give me hope as i would not expect it'll be
u let me live as much as i do, no burden no misused
the reason why i love you, no force no bound
live life, loud & laugh
as much as i doubt my heart
u would straight it up
as the strings is messed up
u pull it once & everything are fine
no bound rules, just trust & love
as u reach out ur hand, then loosen when needed

ill be waiting when the time comes
where u reach out ur hands
fits into mine & never let go
as we stared into each others eyes
& never look away
never.
i'll say
iloveyouwithallofmyheart.

Not So Fancy Me

2008-11-27T16:26:00.000-08:00

New step,its a new age
nor taken by laughter or rage
im here to write and let be
to sprinkle the plain coffee

its ilya hida ismail hisham
nicks 'leia,baby,cherry'
either one works fine for me

as for u, as for me
this is my leftover
the crumbs of munchies
the spilt over slurpies

salam,hi,so on
WELCOME TO MY OTHERSIDE

shout out to;
all my loved ones
&&
the person who made me have the guts to write my poem and blog it,
ALEX
his first expression to my writings was 'comel'
hahha
ill take that as a compliment